


In the Fall

by Wizardheart83 (Plant_Murderer)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Harry, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Gen, POV Lily Evans Potter, POV Third Person Limited, Panic Attacks, Potters in Hiding, Tagging to be careful, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 05:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10824720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plant_Murderer/pseuds/Wizardheart83
Summary: Lily Potter has a moment of restlessness in Godric's Hollow,  in the fall of 1981. Luckily her boys are there, needing and loving, to give her some perspective. A brief Lily-centric look at the Potter's life on Godric's Hollow, not long before the fidelius charm was cast.





	In the Fall

Lily Potter gazed out the window at the peaceful little street in the village of Godric's Hollow. She'd loved the village in the first days of her marriage. She'd loved the few little shops, with their never changing inventories, and the pub with its warmth and good cheer. Even St Jerome's, old and beautiful, had enchanted her; reminding her of Hogwarts and her friends. They'd lived for the most part at the order headquarters, and the flat in London where Sirius and James had moved after graduation, but they'd bought the house quietly, as a sort of promise. They'd made it a home over time, and she'd loved doing that; keeping the promise of a future where they could live somewhere so peaceful and lovely.  Lily Potter gazed out into the pleasant autumn morning in their quaint and homey village, and wished to be anywhere else in the entire world.  

She leaned her head forward and felt the cold of the air outside reaching through glass and thin curtains to soothe her restlessness. Her skin felt too close somehow, too tight and hot. She'd thought, when she went to Hogwarts, that she'd stop feeling like that, like she had for so much of her childhood. Surely the truth of her brilliant difference had been taking up all of the extra space in her. Surely the magic had grown antsy in its wait to be revealed and used, but no. Lily had been casting spells for a decade, had been out of Hogwarts for years, and here it was again, that old itch to do something, or go somewhere. She didn't know what or where. She never knew; only that "here" was not enough, and couldn't hope to be.  

Upstairs in the nursery, Harry started to fuss. Lily smiled a bit as James dropped the book he'd been reading and rushed upstairs to see what he needed. _He's got more than my eyes,_ she thought. Then she reached up and pulled out the clip holding back her hair. The soft waves of red hid her face, and her shame at having wished to leave the two great loves of her life. She couldn't really leave, not now, not when Voldemort could come for them at any moment. What if his followers took her? What if they hurt James and Harry in her absence. It was dangerous to be out. It was risky to be apart. She hadn't properly left the house in months.  

Lily wanted to breathe new air, and meet new people. She wanted to read books she'd bought for herself, and then put them down to go fight for their world.  She and James'd only had about three years when they could work and fight, and it wasn't enough. There wasn't enough time, or striving, or safety, or air. 

Lily blinked away the tears that she hadn't felt coming as she realized that she couldn't breathe. Did Harry feel like this? Was his tiny body, and their small world not enough for her boy? The tears came faster, and she pressed her forehead harder into the curtain and window. Both could struggle as she did, to hold Lily Evans Potter inside and alive; to be strong against the onslaught. She and James, and that window, and much else besides, would have to stand strong for Harry. She held back a scream as Harry's cries grew louder. He needed something and she wanted to give him everything. _I have nothing_ , she thought, _just this life and these walls. How can I even give him enough to live on?_ _How long can I live like this?_ They'd been in hiding, to varying degrees, for nearly two years, already.  

And it would get worse. They'd decided a while ago. There were more restrictive charms that they could use, older and more powerful magics that Dumbledore could help them cast. It would come to that; she knew. How could it not? Harry was one of a very small number of people to whom the prophecy might apply. He was precious to more than just Lily.  

Small hands gripped the neckline of her t-shirt, and she turned to see James, holding a flushed and whimpering Harry.  

"Take him, Lily," James said softly. "Show him how to breathe." 

Her arms came up out of habit, and soon, Harry's head was resting on her shoulder. She gave him a gentle bounce and kissed his face. Harry rubbed his face against hers, nose scrunching as he found it wet. Lily took a slow, tentative breath. There was air enough for that. There was safety enough to laugh helplessly at his expression, and to look over his head, at the one who'd helped to make him and despair a little. She wanted more for all of them, not just herself and Harry.  She settled the baby on her shoulder and felt her eyes filling again. She tried to take long, full breaths and soon enough that some of the heat from his face at her neck receded and he calmed down. The red underlying the brown of his skin settled as James brushed away her tears with a gentle hand.   

"Let's go to the beach," he said, almost startling Lily. She'd expected him to try and comfort her. "Harry's never seen it. I think he'd like the sand."  

"It'd be better in the summer," Lily replied, playing along. "He'd hate it if we kept him back from the waves. He'll be bigger then, too."  

"Paris, then," James suggested. "Paris is lovely in the fall, and I know how to get into the places in the Louvre where they keep the real portraits. You'd love it Lily, and Harry'd laugh for days."  

"He's never seen one of the moving ones," Lily said, just realizing it. "Maybe he'll be scared." 

"We'll be with him," James reminded her. "He'll be fine. And **He** hasn't crossed the channel to kill anyone that we know of yet, so we might even be safer there for a day. Think of it, we can show Harry the Eiffel tower, Beauxoiseau's custom broom shop, the faeries in the gardens... Let's go to Paris."  

Lily smiled down at Harry, who'd gripped her shirt with two round fists and was now mouthing intently at a bit of it near her shoulder.  

"Would you like that, Love?" she asked him.  

Harry was indifferent, but seemed pleased with his present circumstances, going "ahhh" around the cloth in his mouth.  

"Maybe soon," Lily said. "At Christmas, if it's safe. We could invite friends. Could even be celebrating victory, if the order has any luck."   

"Christmas in Paris will be lovely," James said. His tone was the low one he usually used to call her beautiful, and wife, and  a million other sweet, soft things. It made her believe. They'd walk beneath the open sky in safer world, in the city of light, in a season of light. "Of course, there's nothing stopping us from going in November and staying till then..."  

"Or leaving now, and staying till New Years?" Lily teased. "and if we should happen to stumble on a mission on the way out, I'm sure Harry's crying when the flying hexes interrupt his dinner would send a few death eaters running back to their blessedly childless master."  

"Thinking like that is exactly why I married you," James said in all seriousness.  

"Paris can wait a few more days," Lily replied equally seriously.  She walked to sit on the sofa in front of the fireplace. James sat beside her, and she kissed him, slowly and thoroughly, with no real intent while Harry fell asleep in her arms.  

She opened her eyes while they kissed, and James's skin was the warm brown of wet sand as sun sets. His hair was Eiffel tower black, and parts of it stood as proudly. The blue paint on the walls in the small hallway with the stairs could be a sky if she needed one.  

With the love of her life kissing her softly, and their baby resting safe, Lily  believed that she could give her son their small world, and he would manage to grow strong in it.  

It wouldn't last, she knew. It never did. She'd be restless again before the week ended. Still - for a moment - that life and those walls were enough, and there was nowhere else in the world Lily Potter wanted to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this, Kudos and comments are wonderful to get, so thank you so much if you choose to leave either :)


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